A Friend’s Post
First things first, I did not write this post. One of my great friends did and she needed some help on spreading not only her letter, but also the love of Christ. So by all means, if you feel like someone can receive closure, or help through a situation, or affirmation, or just if you know someone who needs to read this: Share it.
So here it is:
An Open Letter to the Guy Im Trying to Get Over
Obviously this is a confusing time. One of the hardest times I think I’ve ever been through, but before you flatter yourself, let me explain why. I have been through many breakups. Some were heartbreaking, debilitating and overwhelmingly frustrating. On the other hand, some left me feeling empowered and even free. This time is so different. I’ve reached a point in my life in which it seems like all I’m doing is “growing up”. Every decision I make seems to point to this goal of having my life together as an adult and trying to glorify God as well, which if I’m honest feels impossible at 19. So imagine my surprise when I’m trying to tackle college, living on my own and all the twists and turns of my first independent semester, and there you were suddenly. You came into my life originally as a friend, and the Lord knew I needed that.
The age old question of “can guys and girls be friends?” was tested, and unfortunately, I think we failed. Or rather, I failed. This first semester I saw myself continuously put my desires first, and transparently, those desires were for validation and attention. When you fail to put Christ first, you’ll never be satisfied with the validation you get from any guy because they don’t determine your worth. This is a lesson I’ve learned more than once before, and foolishly find myself back in a situation where I need God’s grace so desperately. I’ve heard people say before that “God is a God of second chances”, and honestly, thank goodness that’s not true. That would be so devastating. To think that we get a second chance that we will undoubtedly mess up and then thats all? I promise you I will mess that second chance up. And the third one. And the fourth. And an uncountable number of times because I am a sinner proving daily how in need I am of God’s love. Thank goodness He gives me those chances to repent and turn myself back to Him. And this situation was no different. I wanted your attention. It made me feel good to be noticed. And I was so captured by the guy I had learned so much about. And this is why this ending has been so hard. I have questioned myself, my judgement, my faith in God’s plan, the opinions of people that I trust and basically everything that I have grown to know because this situation was so hard to wrap my head around.
Here’s the problem in black and white. You are such a good guy. You are kind, thoughtful, cordial, and spontaneous. You made me the happiest I’d been in awhile. But I knew long before anything started that things weren’t going to work out for a plethora of reasons, that honestly I’d like to not get into here. But here was the big one, the one that I keep drawing back to. I asked the Lord and the answer was no. He said it in a lot of ways, like how you started having second thoughts about things. Or how I felt the need to convince friends and family that this was right. But ultimately, the answer was no. And that conviction was overwhelming.
The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that just because something could be good, and that on the surface it seems harmless, it isn’t without doubt what God has for you. Being a “good guy” doesn’t make you the person I need to be with, forever or just for this season of my life. Just because it doesn’t obviously hurt, doesn’t mean it will help. If I truly am in the continuous process of growing up, I need someone to point me to the cross daily. I have not enjoyed questioning everything I’ve held as my standards in addition to all the typical end of a relationship feelings. Thats why this is so painful. But I have discovered the things that I now know to seek in a Godly relationship. I need someone to remind me that I am loved by the Father and that’s the place my focus should lie. I have felt the Lord provide so much peace about giving up something good, for full commitment to a relationship with Him that will never fail. Ultimately, if He leads me to a man that will leave me with no doubts about his place in God’s plan for me, then that is all the more reason to praise Him. This ending is hard in part because of you, but mostly because it’s caused me to bring to light so many issues I struggle with.
So sure, I miss you. Sometimes I miss you a lot. Sometimes it knocks the wind out of me. But I have no doubt about the way I will come out of this so much stronger. Sometimes I wonder what you’re up to. A lot of the time I miss your friendship. I often miss thinking of you as a friend and not as someone I had a romantic connection gone wrong with. But as much pain as I associate with you, there are so many good things as well. Thank you for all the happy memories, and the times that I will cherish. I have no doubt that you will make someone so happy one day, and I will be so happy for you when that day comes. You were caught in the middle of a very formative time in my life, and you showed so much grace to me and my ever changing mood and opinions. Thank you for being you. Making peace with the idea of losing anyone you care about is unbelievably hard, and this is no exception. I pray that the Lord would mend a friendship if that be His will, but if not, I pray that there would be no ill feelings or harsh emotions associated with our time together. I like you way too much to not like you.
Sincerely,
The girl you “kinda” dated
Written by a great friend.
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